I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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