The maid of honor just puked.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
