just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
