Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
