Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
