# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize