her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
