6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
