I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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