non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
PANTIES FOUND
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
