the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
