Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
