An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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