Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
