We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
