Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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