Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
