3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
