Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
