I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
