I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We are two peas in an std pod
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
