dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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