You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
