I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Two words: nipple clamps
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