so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
