it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
