sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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