Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
