Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
