this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
worst night to have a conscience
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I still have a little drunk in my system
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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