i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
