chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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