you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
