I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
