Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
