Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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