yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
