Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
