Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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