I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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