Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
