im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
