You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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