She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
