im having a threesome with these popsicles
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
