no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
