I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
