I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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