party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
