I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
