i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
