I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
