And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
