I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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