I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
