We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
