thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
