just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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