What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
