dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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