She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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