dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize