New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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