i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
