Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
