She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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