I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
