You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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