Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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